all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
