We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
