Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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