i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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