I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
