"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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