And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
even my farts smell like vagina
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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