she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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