Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
