Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
