I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
