Girls should come with a carfax report
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
