in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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