Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
