I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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