do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
