Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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