in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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