I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
