I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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