Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
