Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
