Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
