i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
