But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
