I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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