Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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