ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
