im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
