at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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