hotel room ftw
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize