I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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