I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
