i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
