Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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