I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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