I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
