Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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