Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
