He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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