if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
