Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
