Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
