All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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