i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
