i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
