Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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