have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
