Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
