Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
