I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
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I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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