wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
