I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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