Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
