Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
