She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
