I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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