If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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