4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
