I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
