it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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