Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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