I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
