i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
