Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
