There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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