"it" just moved
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
