My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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