Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
