It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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