Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Randomize
