He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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