I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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