shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
