First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
