Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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