wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize