i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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