Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
