nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
