There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
