Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
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The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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