Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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